Funny Quotes From Atlantis the Lost Empire

Apparently, the Atlanteans are a very sheltered culture.

• At first, it seems Milo is giving a serious lecture before a real audience. Then, he gets a phone call about something. He turns on the lights, and it reveals he's only reciting his lecture before props. And his lecture room is actually a boiler room.
• At the museum, all the board members, save for Mr. Harcourt, quickly take cover in different rooms when Milo comes up, and as Mr. Harcourt tries to get into a room, we see one of the board members run out of one room to one across from him.
  • The name of one of the board members is Mr. Hickenbottom.
  • Mr.Harcourt, when he's locked out of every room, hides being a plant. Milo moves the plants leaves aside and Harcourt gives a big sheepish grin, then opens his umbrella and knocks Milo asid, giving a little smirk before running for his car.
• Mr. Harcourt's face when he mentions Milo's grandfather. (Doubles as a Tearjerker since he is being mean-spirited and disrespectful about the late grandfather's memory).
• We get this exchange when Milo and Helga first meet:

  Milo: Who are you? H-how did you get in here?

• Early on, as Helga brings Milo to Whitmore's mansion, she describes Whitmore like he's a serious, tough, dangerous guy. Then the next scene reveals that he's the complete opposite: a funny old Deadpan Snarker.
  • On top of that, he's doing yoga in a bathrobe.
• The photo ◊ of Preston Whitmore and Thaddeus Thatch immediately post-kiss. They're both recoiling and spitting in disgust, and it looks hilarious. And it's Whitmore's fault.
  • It wasn't part of the bet to immortalize the incredibly awkward moment on camera. Whose idea was that?!
    • The commentary points out that when they wanted to take another picture (without the kiss), the photographer probably said "No".
• Milo getting sick over the side of the ship. "Carrots, why is it always carrots. I didn't even eat carrots."
  • It should be noted that his voice actor, Michael J. Fox, is actually allergic to carrots.
  • The quote leading up to this:

  Milo: I'm your man, Mr. Whitmore! You will not regret this! Why, I'm so excited I-I-I can't even hold it in!" (Gilligan Cut of Milo getting sea sick out at sea)

  • And when Milo is saying this, he puts his coat on..backwards.
• A Freeze-Frame Bonus: Right before Cookie argues with Helga, a quick look at his wagon shows the writing "TODAY'S SPECIAL: SHUT UP AN' EAT!" ^note Considering Claudia Christian/Ivanova voiced Helga, this is almost certainly a Shout-Out to Babylon 5's famed "Shut Up and Eat It" policy.
  • Apparently, Cookie doesn't know what cinnamon, oregano, cilantro or lettuce is. Let's just assume he failed culinary school and leave it at that, OK?
  • Cookie's idea of "the four basic food groups"? "Beans, bacon, whiskey, and lard."
  • And he initially holds up 3 fingers when he says "four food groups".
• "Attention, tonight's supper will be baked beans, musical program to follow." (Beat) "Who wrote this?"
  • Funny in itself, but also a Parental Bonus; it's an allusion to the old P.A. gags from M*A*S*H.
  • Also the earlier announcement: "To the person who stole the L from the Motor Pool sign, ha ha, we are all very amused."
    • The Greek dub makes it even funnier by making it a "Ladder" ("σκάλα") sign that had its "Λ" swapped for a "T", turning it into "σκατά" (shit).
    • The Spanish dub changed it to "Zona de carga" (Loading Zone), and Packard mentions that someone rearranged the R leter. It's never said outright, but it's easy to assume they changed the sign to "Zona de cagar" (Shitting zone).
    • In the Italian dub, someone replaced the m with a c in the "sala macchine" (engine room), turning it in "little poops room".
• When the Ulysses finally descends into the ocean, for a split-second, you can actually see a man waving at the viewers.
• This dialogue between Milo and Vinny while loading the sub.

  Vinny: Oh, ehh, gunpowder, nitroglycerin, notepads, fuses, wicks, glue, and uhh… Paperclips. Big ones. You know, just, eh, office supplies.

  • Vinny's advice during the final battle: "Don't get shot!"
  • The caravan is temporarily halted by a colossal pillar next to a chasm. Milo and Vinny examine the pillar - for different reasons.

    Milo: Will you look at the size of this? It's gotta be half a mile high, at least. It must have taken hundred — no, thousands of years to carve this thing.

    Vinny: (detonates his TNT charges so it falls down over a chasm) Hey, look, I made a bridge. It only took me, like, what? Ten seconds? Eleven, tops.

    • It's the gleeful look on Vinny's face ◊ that seals the deal.
    • In the same scene, Milo is so fixated on the pillar's beauty that he doesn't notice Vinny very obviously setting up explosives until literally the moment the thing goes up.
  • When Milo starts up one of the flying machines:

    Vinny: Hey, Milo, you got something sporty? You know…like a tuna?

  • Clearly, Vinny gets all the best lines. From earlier:

    Vinny: We've done a lot of things we're not proud of—robbin' graves, plunderin' tombs, double parking...But nobody got hurt! (Beat) Well, maybe somebody got hurt, but nobody we knew..."

    Vinny: (upon seeing the sketch of the Leviathan, which resembles a lobster) With something like that, I'd have white wine, I think.

  • And then there's when he tricks Milo into thinking he drank nitroglycerin. "Don't move, don't breathe, don't do anything...except pray." "BOOM!" Then Mole and Vinny walk away and laugh, but Milo clearly didn't think it was funny.
  • The roadblock convo.

    Rourke: Looks like we have a little roadblock. Vinny, what do you think?

    Vinny: I could un-roadblock that if I had about two hundred of these (points at dynamite). Problem is, I only got about (counts on fingers) ten. Plus, you know, five of my own and couple of cherrybombs...roadflare. Hey, too bad we don't have some nitroglycerin, eh, Milo?" (Milo scowls at him, and Mole laughs at this.)

  • When the crew realizes they're in a dormant volcano, Sweet asks if it could erupt at any time, but Mole says that it would require "an explosive force of great magnitude." Everyone immediately looks at Vinny, who happens to be building or dismantling a time bomb at that very moment.

    Vinny: (Beat) Maybe I should do this later, huh?

    • Then when the volcano has awoken:

      Vinny: (while holding a sizzling stick of dynamite) Hey, I had nothing to do with this!

  • This exchange when Rourke is taking Crystal!Kida away from Atlantis, causing the water to dry up and the Atlantean crystals to lose their glow.

    Milo: We can't let him do this!

    Vinny: (holds Milo back) Wait a second!

    [Rourke presses a detonator. Everybody dives for cover as the bridge explodes into splinters, leaving the crew trapped on the island with a gaping chasm between them and Rourke]

  • Vinny talks about how he decided he wanted to became a demolitions expert:

    Vinny: Well, as far as me goes, I just like to blow things up.

    Dr. Sweet: (lifts up Vinny's sleep mask) Come on, Vinny. Tell the kid the truth.

    Vinny: My family owned a flower shop. We would sell roses, carnations, baby's breath, you name it. One day, I'm making about three dozen corsages for this prom, you know, the one they put on the wrist, and everybody, they come. "Where is it?", "When is it?", "Does it match my dress?" It's a nightmare. Anyway, I guess there was this leak next door of gas or what. BOOM! No more Chinese laundry. Blew me right through the front window. It was like a sign from God. I found myself that boom.

  • Vinny before leaving Atlantis:

    Vinny: You know, I'm gonna re-open the flower shop, and I'm gonna think of you guys every. Single. Day. Monday to Friday, 9 to 5, Saturday to 2. Sunday...I'm gonna take Sunday off, probably... Maybe I'll go in for a couple of hours, dunno. But...August, I'm gonna take August.

  • Really, most of what Vinny says is hilarious. According to the DVD commentary, most of Don Novello's dialogue was ad-libbed. He just started rambling and they kept most of it.
  • A blink and you'll miss it moment, but when everybody is picking a truck to drive, we learn that there's a rule that Vinny must stay a certain distance away from the oil truck at all times. As if he were a walking fire hazard...
• Sweet's way of dealing with Mole after poor Milo sat on the dirt collection: show him soap, and yell as Mole retreats, "Back! Back, foul creature! Back to the pit from whence you came!"
  • Sweet rat-tails the poor man!
  • The lead-up to this is also funny. Milo lays down in his bunk, and Mole peeks down at him from above and says, in a very ominous tone, "You have disturbed the dirt..."
  • Following this, Mole plucks some of the dirt from beneath Milo's fingernail, analyzes it under the microscope lenses attached to his head gear, sniffs and tastes it... and from this, successfully identifies not only that Milo is a cartographer and linguist, but he also has a short-haired Persian cat that's two years old and was the third in a litter of seven.
  • "Gasp! What have you done? England must never merge with France!"

  Milo: What's it doing in my bed?!

• Sweet's medical check-up of Milo, ending with him handing Milo two enormous beakers and telling him to fill them up. Milo does a Spit Take on the thermometer in his mouth. "With what?!"

  Sweet: (sticking a tongue depressor in Milo's mouth) So, where you from?
  Milo: (unintelligible)
  Sweet: Really? I have family up that way.

• The slide show.

  Milo: The first slide is a depiction of a creature, a creature so frightening that sailors were said to be driven mad by the mere sight of it.

  Audrey: (eye roll) Geeze, I used to take lunch money from guys like this. (Vinny chuckles)

• The explorers' submarine is being attacked by a totally unexpected lobster machine. Rivets are popping, leaks springing, alarms blaring. Mrs. Packard seems bored when she grudgingly announces, "All hands, abandon ship."
  • In the same scene: "He took his suitcase? Margie, honey, I don't think he's coming back."
  • And when Mrs. Packard has to leave because the sub is seconds from annihilation. "I have to call you back. No, no, I'll call you." Still with no sign of excitement. Margie would never guess that Mrs. P is in imminent danger of a horrible death.
  • Earlier when Audrey contacts the bridge - while engineering is being flooded with sea water - she connects them and then calmly opens a "Crime" magazine like the whole damn sub wasn't about to be blown to pieces.
  • In the climax, as Milo and the crew return Kida and the crystal to Atlantis in time to save it from a volcanic eruption, she's there with the rest of the crowd, taking photographs!
• We are briefly given a shot of Milo and Audrey in an escape pod as Milo nervously chants "it's only a grease trap, it's just like a sink, it's only a grease trap, it's just like a sink..." Just the way Milo's voice breaks when he says the second "sink."
• "We're all gonna die." (flicks cigarette away)
• Milo attempting to drive a truck.

  Milo:'Course I can drive a truck. Sure, you got your steering and your gas and your brake and, of course, this metal, uh, looking... thing. Okay, so it was a bumper car at Coney Island, but it's the same basic principle.

  • Leading up to that, Milo playing with the truck's horn with childish delight, as though he's never seen a horn before in his life. Rourke then comes up and asks Milo "Are you sure you're checked out on this class of vehicle?" Milo, the linguist who should know grammar, is lost on the question. So Rourke translates: "Can you drive a truck?"
  • And Rourke, seeing Milo repeatedly honk the horn, covers the front of it and breaks it off, clearly in no mood.
• When the Drill Tank breaks down at an inconvenient time, Mole has a small tantrum. (You! Are! Stupeed!)
• Milo's handling the boiler in Mole's Drill Tank, much to Audrey's chagrin. He knew how to fix it because an older version of the same boiler is used at the museum, and he gets called whenever it needs fixing i.e. twisting a few valves and smacking it with a wrench. He then manages to explain to Audrey, the youngest member of the expedition and a Child Prodigy of an engineer to boot, exactly what went wrong, complete with technical jargon. It sounds like a Moment of Awesome, but the facial expressions they both make throughout this exchange are priceless. Audrey fakes a punch afterward making him flinch, then says "Two for flinching." and hits him in the arm twice, (hard enough to make him rub the spot she hit).
• Cookie is serving everybody the same brownish, disgusting slop:

  Cookie: For the appetizer, Caesar salad, escargot, and your Oriental spring rolls.

  Mole: I wanted the escargot!

  Audrey: (Gives Mole her tray) Knock yourself out...

  • Later on during the same scene:

  Cookie: Main course!

  (Nobody wants to eat any more)

  Cookie: Don't you worry. It'll keep and keep and keep!

  Ms. Packard: (stubbing out her cigarette on her food) Thank God I lost my sense of taste years ago.

• Although a nice gesture, Sweet giving Milo a treatment for a neck pain. It has to be seen to be believed. Counts as awesome when it works.
  • Becomes a Brick Joke at the end of the movie.
• Mrs. Packard stating she Sleeps in the Nude, then Sweet tossing Milo a Sleep Mask and explaining "she sleepwalks".
  • The very next shot is Vinny wearing a Sleep Mask, lending credence to Sweet's claim.
• Dr. Sweet, telling Milo that he doesn't want to know about Mole's backstory. It's even the page quote!

  "Trust me on this: you don't wanna know. Audrey, don't tell him. You shouldn't've told me, but you did, and now I'm telling you, you don't wanna know!"

  • In Milo's Return, we get a clue as to what it might be: Audrey states that she thinks Mole was raised by naked mole rats.
    • What makes it even better? It's Audrey telling us. So despite what Sweet told her, she does tell them!
    • Another funny implication is that, since Audrey is possibly the youngest member of the group and possibly the newest member, it's implied that Sweet only just learned of Mole's backstory, despite knowing him far longer than Audrey herself.
• Audrey describes how her father wanted two sons instead of her and her offscreen sister; one to help run his machine shop and the other to be midweight boxing champion.

  Milo: So what happened to your sister?

  Audrey: She's 24 and 0 with a shot at the title next month.

• When Milo runs throughout the camp to warn them of the Fire-flies, yelling at the top of his lungs "Fire!" The funny part comes when we cut to a half-awake Rourke looking at his clock.

  Rourke: (under his breath) I'm gonna kill him.

• A blink-and-you'll-miss moment. While the crew escape the Fire Flies, we see Cookie's wagon is pulled by a small wheeled engine. Regardless, he uses a whip and calls it "Gerdie" as though it were a pack mule rather than a machine.
• Post-mass slide into darkness, Rourke lights up a match:

  Rourke: All right, who's not dead? Sound off.
  (Collective groans from main characters. Rourke drops the match when it burns to his fingers)
  Cookie: Dang blasted bugs done bit me on mah sit-upon! Someone's gonna have to suck out this poison! Now don't everybody jump up at once.

  • The gif of Rourke doing his above line has become insane popular on Tumblr for massive insanities that plague it; since the site is primarily image based rather than sound, this makes it all the funnier.
• When Milo is speaking to Kida in several different languages and she speaks French, Mole excitedly exclaims "She speaks my language!" and promptly whispers something in her ear. First she listens with interest, then she does a double take, and then she knocks him to the ground with a single punch.
  • Made better when the others immediately take a liking to her as a result.

    Sweet (clapping): Oh, I like her!
    Audrey: Hmm. 'Bout time someone hit 'im. I'm just sorry it wasn't me.

    • What he had started to ask her was, "Voulez-vous coucher..."
  • Hilariously, during Milo's attempt to speak Atlantean, he mangles the language to hell and back (calling himself a "travel friend" instead of "friendly traveler") and Kida corrects his bad Atlantean. Then finding out she speaks Latin leads to a "Oh thank god; something I can speak properly" from Milo.
  • When the group first meets Kida's group, Cookie says they remind him of the Dakota: "They can smell fear just by lookin' at you, so keep quiet."
• When the crew decide to use someone to interrogate Kida. Mole insists he goes.

  Helga: Someone needs to talk to that girl.

  Mole: I will go!

  Vinny: Someone with good people skills.

  Mole: I will do it!

  Sweet: Someone who won't scare her away.

  Mole: I volunteer!

  Mrs. Packard: Someone who can speak the language.

  Mole: For the good of the mission, I will go!

  Rourke: (to Milo, who hasn't been paying attention) Good man, Thatch. Thanks for volunteering.

  Mole: [breaks down sobbing]

  Audrey: (nudging Milo) Go get 'em, tiger.

• Milo's assigned to quiz Kida for the rest of the explorers. However just as he's about to talk to her, she sneaks up behind him and begins to grill him using almost exactly the same words:

  Milo: Okay. Um... (rehearsing) 'Look, I have some questions for you and I am not leaving this city before they're answered!' That's good -

  Kida: (pouncing on him from behind) I have some questions for you - and you are not leaving this city before they're answered!

• Kida trying on Milo's glasses, as shown in the page image.
• When Audrey and Cookie are visiting a market and notice a tattooed Atlantean, Cookie shows off his own tattoos.

  Shoot. That ain't nothin'. Look here what I got. [lifts up shirt] All 38 United States. Watch me make Rhode Island dance! [slaps belly] Go on, baby, dance. Dance.

  • Audrey looks both disgusted and intrigued for most of the scene.
  • Either Cookie hasn't bothered to update his tattoo since 1889, thinks there is still only 38 states, or probably failed history.
• Milo's attempt at eating Atlantean food with their customary silverware.
• "Oh I swim pretty girl—good! Pretty good, I swim pretty good."
  • Milo's boxers then inflate after going into the water.
    • Even funnier: if you look closely, you can see Kida trying not to laugh.
  • Also funny, is that as a trained linguist he should have known the correct wording was "Pretty well". He's so distracted by Kida that he forgot grammar.
  • Actually, as a trained linguist, he would have known it doesn't matter.
• It was in the midst of a dramatic moment, but there's just something unexpected enough to be amusing when a princess in a Disney movie kicks an enemy indelicately and then pulls a knife. Now why didn't Belle ever think of that?
  • Shortly after, Rourke shoots the knife out of her hand and Kida kicks a downed mook as though reminding him "Consider yourself lucky, punk".
• Milo's coerced into helping the villains, but that doesn't mean he intends to let himself be bullied. "How 'bout you translate and I'll wave the gun around!?"
• In that same scene, the crystal-possessed Kida says something in Atlantean, but it's distorted.

  Rourke: What did she say?

  Milo: ..I didn't.. catch it.

• During the final attack:

  "Alright, Milo, this is it. Any last words? Yeah, I really wish I had a better idea than this!"

• A minor example, but during the expedition in the underground cavern Milo nearly leads the group to danger with a giant monster because he read the map in the journal upside down, to which he grins embarrassedly at while pointing to the right direction. The crew is completely unamused at Milo's blunder, but Mole's reaction is the icing on the cake as he glares at Milo while angrily breathing.
• The ending where Whitmore is going over the crew's alibi so as to make sure their stories will hide the secret of Atlantis.
  • When asked if they saw anything, Vinny says all they saw were "Lot of rocks. And little fish. Sponges." Whilst Whitmore holds a picture of the exciting climatic fight.
  • Also making the above even more hilarious is that the gang went back with an obscene amount of treasure and are currently dressed in very upscale clothes.
  • Cookie's pretty straight-forward with what really happened.

  Whitmore: What happened to Helga?

  Cookie: We all went after when a zeppelin came down on her and—(Packard whacks him on the head with her parasol) Uh, missing.

  Whitmore: And Rourke?

  Cookie: In fact, you could say he was trans-mogri-fied, and then busted into a zillion... (notices Ms. Packard raising her parasol) He's missing too.

  • Mole is seen to be very uncomfortable in his fancy clothes throughout—and towards the end, he's seen digging himself into the dirt of one of Whitmore's vases, with his clothes discarded to one side.

  Sweet: Lord, give me strength.

---

paynetioper.blogspot.com

Source: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Funny/AtlantisTheLostEmpire

Share this post